Firsts + Lasts

I have this weird habit of calculating every “last” before a big change in my life. Even when I was in  high school I would figure out every “last” before summer vacation ended: last time I can stay up late, last time I can work during the week, last Saturday I have with no homework, whatever. I do it now before Chris goes on deployment or I have a break from work. I hate that my brain thinks likes this; it feels like I’m constantly counting down to something rather than actually enjoying the moment as it’s happening. My last weekend in Charleston. My last outing to Genes, last brunch, last time watching Ballers with my friends.

Yesterday was a lot of lasts but also my first goodbye. I’m in a weird place.

Counting down every single “last” by day and saying goodbye really reinforced the whole “hey you’re moving” realization. Which is silly because this is six+ months in the making. The countdown is consuming my thoughts and making it difficult to concentrate on anything else. I’m focusing on the to-do list to try and block out my brain reminding me that this is all my “last” things in Charleston.

So let’s try and concentrate on the experience, rather than it being a part of the “last” club.

Weekend Before: drinking sour beers and singing Lemonade twice in a row. Toy Story marathon and picking out the locations we knew in Vice Principles. This weekend: too much Mean-Bean on Friday and sleeping in on Saturday. Homemade breakfast and hysterically laughing to Spider Man 3. Playing Skip-Bo at Genes and eating the same cheese fries James ordered for me on my birthday when I threw them (and the b-day shots) up in the parking lot and fought a parked car. Playing my first game of shuffle board and laughing too hard with the most amazing people in the world. Leaving when the bar closes and coming home to watch System of a Down (why?) videos and Eternal Sunshine. Brunch + Goodbyes. Mashed potatoes and coleslaw and talking about the democratic system at work.

I’m definitely feeling more overwhelmed with the combination of the to-do list and saying goodbye to all the people I love. It sucks. But I have to remember how this is a once in a lifetime thing and nothing is ever final. Its all a transition from stage to another. Keep it cool, Spilis–all things are connected and will continue to be even if you are in another place. The current state of in-flux is what is the tricky part for me. I’m not here or there, I’m just somewhere in the middle.

Take a breath. Get the emotions out. Stop counting lasts and just enjoy it.

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Things are happening.

Phew.

So after about six months of nothing really happening, all of a sudden everything is going on these last few weeks before the move. It reminds me of when we were building the Park Circle house; it seemed like for three months it was just wood beams and finally the week before closing it was a real house with cabinets, lights, and paint.

I guess now is the time for our cabinets, lights, and paint.

We’ve never really had a big move before–certainly not to another country–so we literally had no idea what to expect. Working with the government is incredibly stressful as you’re essentially planning around them. I know my sense of urgency is definitely falling on the neurotic side of the scale (so I need to keep that in check when working with other people) but it just seems like so many of the important details are very much last minute. And by important details I mean you know, which flight we’re taking (and who’s paying for it), moving details, difference in pay, Chris’s last day of work…. It can be super frustrating and stressful.

Now things are looking like they are actually happening and we are in fact moving next month. Emotions right now are certainly mixed; I’m getting really sentimental at the fact that I am leaving this place I’ve called home for ten years. It can be hard to keep in mind why we originally wanted to do this when I think about the people I’m leaving behind. But I’m incredibly lucky and thankful to have amazing friends and family who support us and all of our decisions.

We can get through this next two limbo weeks as we teeter from all that we’ve known in the United States to who the hell knows in Hungary. I’m excited. I’m nervous. I’m all the things.